Homeless

so, it seems I am to be homeless next year. I shall be the wealthiest homeless person on the streets, with tens of thousands in my bank.
Why am I to be homeless?
Well, 19 years ago, I bought my little cottage on an interest only mortgage with an endowment. The endowment I was sold, will not be anywhere near enough to pay back the £19000 I owe on my mortgage.
I feel I was talked into this kind of mortgage at the time, by a mortgage broker who has since been struck off the FSA for his dodgy dealings.
He would recommend the mortgage company and the mortgage type, which paid him the highest fees, instead of making sure he got the right deal for his clients. He made as much money as he could before he got struck off.
So it now turns out, that after 19 years of never missing a payment, never being late and having a good credit rating, the company I am with, won't help.
I rang Kensington mortgages up last week to ask if they will extend the mortgage by 6 years (bringing me up to my retirement age) and change it to a repayment mortgage.I figured that since I'd been a reliable client all this time, they would be happy to do so. After all, it's 6 years more interest for them. I was told that this isn't something they will do. So I asked what will happen in 14 months time when I can't pay the capital sum off and was told "we will repossess your home".

So there you have it. in 14 months time, this disable old woman, with her pets,who spent her entire life, first as a soldier's daughter, travelling around the world, rootless with no family other than mum and dad, to war zones like Aden where we saw the remains of suicide bombers on the way to school, then as a soldier's wife. Will be reduced to sitting in the road with her belongings around her and nowhere to go.
I have no wider family to take me in. I don't know them, thanks to my army upbringing. I will have to wait until they sell my home, and hopefully they will give me the money they make. Of course if they go for a quick sale at auction, I will be lucky to get £30000. Still a lot of money, but not enough for me to buy somewhere to live.

I must admit that I feel betrayed, by the mortgage broker and by Kensington mortgages.
At the time I took out the mortgage, I was coming out of a violent and abusive marriage. I was emotionally damaged and really desperate to get away. I was guided by the mortgage broker who seemed nice and wanted to help me.
Now Kensington mortgages are also betraying 19 years of customer loyalty. I could have remortgaged years ago, but I felt I owed them my loyalty because they literally saved me by giving me a mortgage when I needed one fast, to escape my violent husband.
(If I saw him in my local village, even 5 years after the divorce, I'd start to tremble and my mouth would go dry and I would pray he didn't see me so that I could get away and hide until he'd gone past).
Surely it won't be a terrible thing for Kensington mortgage company to extend the mortgage by 6 years and get 6 years of profit. It's not a long time, and it's not a lot of money is it?

Because I stuck with them, I've left it too late to get another mortgage. I'd have got one 10 years ago, when I was young and able to earn an income, but now, aged 61, and with health issues, I have no chance. So,I am about to be homeless next year. Kensington mortgages.

I have started to rehome my beloved animals. However, I ran an animal sanctuary for many years and most of the animals are geriatric and have health problems. Nobody will want those, and some of the dogs would suffer emotionally if parted from me and placed in new homes. It's not kind to place a dog who is 16 years old, and has lived with me for 14 years, into a new home.So I shall find homes for those I can, the ones who would suffer if parted from me, will be put to sleep, as will the unadoptable ones. I have failed them and that causes me pain. I can't leave it to the last minute, that isn't fair.
I ran a free advice line for the last 25 years and one of the things that irritated me was selfish pet owners keeping their pets up to the last minute, then phoning me the week before they were moving, and wanting me to take it. If I have 14 months to find homes for my beloved animals, hopefully by the time I am repossessed and homeless, I won't have any pets, and if I don't have any more pets, I won't have a reason to live. I don't want money. There's more to life than simply being alive, and for me, having to leave my little cottage, my alternative lifestyle and my animals, means that I may as well be dead. So I have decided that once I have no responsibilities, I shall wait in my little cottage, then slit my wrists. It's not such a terrible thing. I've had a wonderful life, travelled the world, learned languages, met some great humans and animals and now it is time to end it.
It's the rational thing to do, and rational is what I do best.

What is the point of losing the home I love, the animals which have kept me happy and alive, and my dignity, to end up in a homeless shelter. Frankly, I'll be better off on the streets as I prefer to be alone. At least on the streets I can keep one dog. I will happily live outside in a tent or in my van, I don't need mod cons, and the dog I'll end up keeping is my huge Spanish mastiff cross who is literally unadoptable. Despite him only being 2 years old, and a rescue from Spain, he has many health problems and his breeding means that he has a very high protective instinct. He is aggressive to any dog which doesn't live here and I would not trust him to transfer his loyalty to other people.Up to now, he had a horrible start in Spain being hurt, then thrown out of a vehicle by his people, to live or die on the streets.After I got him, it was discovered that he had a trauma damaged knee, and such severe hip dysplasia that he has no hip socket at all so his leg is permanently dislocated. He's been in pain every single day of his life, until the vet prescribed him Tramadol. His knee has now been fixed, with 8 titanium rods, at a cost of £2500.
See that's the other thing. While I was earning money, I saved. Several times over the years, I phoned Kensington mortgages to ask if I could reduce the capital sum by paying off a couple of thousand at a time and was told that they don't allow this.
I really can't understand why they are so inflexible.
After all the stress and Kensington. being so unhelpful over the decades, I can only recommend that anyone wanting a mortgage, to avoid them.

And on top of everything, after a lifetime spent feeling like a square peg in a round hole,I have been finally diagnosed with Autism/Aspergers and PDA. So, army daughter, disabled old woman with mental health issues, will be repossessed and put onto the street, rather than Kensington mortgages helping her, helping the animals, and helping themselves to 6 years more interest. What a terrible world we live in. I don't understand it and will, frankly, be happy to be out of it!
The photos below are literally a montage of my life as it is right now.Apart from the first one, showing me, 30 years ago, when I used to show standard poodles, (my own bred Bowerdales forever ebony, after she won Best of Breed). How my life has changed.

a friend's mother is an artist. She painted this for me.

sweet 'Feather'

My Spanish rescue dog recovering from his recent cruciate repair with 8 titanium rods.

'Marlon' the rescued abused chameleon finally enjoying life in his outside cage here he gets to enjoy the sunshine

'Pi', the ex breeding Devon rex cat, and little 'Nancy' and 'Minnie' the hairless dogs.Yes, I have a tattoo. I decided to get a sponsored tattoo in order to raise some money for Greenpeace. It reads "remember the Rainbow Warrior, 10th July 1985"
I managed to raise £100 for them..

'Moriarty' the rescued bearded dragon. Now 10 years old, outside on a summer day.

sisters Nancy and Minnie

'Pi'

'Sunday' a tiny kitten of around 5 weeks old, found stuffed down a rabbit hole, and brought to me 3 years ago. She was literally being eaten alive by fleas.

my beloved Spanish rescue, Spanish mastiff cross

Strangely enough, I feel like I've been told I only have 14 months to live. I can plan how it goes. I have always been independent. Being born and brought up in the army makes it so. So, in the next 12 months I shall rehome the animals, then I shall open the house and auction off all my belongings and put the cash in a safe place for my son, then slit my wrists. If Kensington mortgages want to take my home from me, they can, but I've always said that I will end my days here, and so I will.
Being on the autism spectrum means that I prefer to plan, and like everything just so, and under my control.